I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
