I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
