wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
