I need to stop coming to work sober
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
