The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
