Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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