someone threw a dead crab at me
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
