The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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