So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
