Your tits are I can't wait for
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
