we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Randomize
