I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
