Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
