You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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