we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
