Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
