If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My cat gives me a boner
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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