I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
