Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
