Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
