If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
