I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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