the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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