You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
