I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
