What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
