I cannot find my penis.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just high enough for therapy.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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