Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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