did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
