Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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