I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
