I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
