I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
