i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
