i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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