I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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