Pregnant stripper...not hot.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
