1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
