I feel great
I just peed on a car
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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