someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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