I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
