Swine flu. Run for my life!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
