my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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