it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
