you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize