The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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