U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
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