he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
