every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Actions speak louder than pants.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
