so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
