I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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