I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I believe in your delicious
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
