would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Randomize
