Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
