i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
porn star boner night. come get it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
