Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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