I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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