Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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