last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
