They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize