Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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