I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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