Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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