Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Every concussion has its silver lining
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
