just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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