We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
