I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
