Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
