But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Please, let me fuck your mom
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
