Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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