please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
