He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
