I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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