This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
