Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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