I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
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