smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
