i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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