he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
