1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
